Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize