I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
