He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
