I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
