I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
