I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
