so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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