fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
