It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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