Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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