the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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