it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
