i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
