I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
