we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
