I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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