I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
