I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize