i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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