Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
