OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
