I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize