i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
