new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
