Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
