i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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