More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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