He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
