im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
tell me about the eggs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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