So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
