May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
