woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize