i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
