remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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