You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
