Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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