nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
