hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
