who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize