U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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