dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
