i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
