Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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