Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
