So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
