just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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