I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
