Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
