Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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