Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
