that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
