she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
