I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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