24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
