I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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