I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
