All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
