What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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