I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize