i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
