I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
