yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize