...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
