:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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