you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
