This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize