i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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