anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
