dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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