i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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