All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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