She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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