Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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