Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
