So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
