did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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