She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
