I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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