Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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