Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
