...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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