You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
