I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize