Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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