OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
