Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
