Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
