this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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