and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
