Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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