OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
