My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
