Your face is a jimmy john
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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