Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
