I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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