just tell him i said nine months
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
