so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
