Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
