I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
