apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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