I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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