I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
