Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
