i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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