Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
