Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
