Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
