it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
