Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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