im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
