You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize