I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize