My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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