i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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