I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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