I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
