I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
