take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
