Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
