um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize