just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
